Dir. Jeffrey Alan Miller – 75 minutes
One of the reasons I love the Horror film genre so much is that after decades of watching then there are still thousands of films both old and new waiting to be discovered. And at least once a month I will put aside a couple of films that I have never heard of and that are by all accounts dreadful.
Now I love bad films , in fact the worst film I have ever seen is Avia – Vampire Hunter and I have seen it 4 times , so you sort of get where I am coming from with bad films – I love them.
So a friend (who shall remain nameless) sent me a copy of of Vampegeddon and told me it was the worst film he had seen , so I must see this I thought.
Well the film starts in the Old West after the vampires have been driven from Europe. Longshank (Patrick Vaillancourt) is a vampire hunter and gets into a life and death fight with head vampire Giovanni (Shane Dean).
The fight concludes about 100ft in the air where Longshank stakes Giovanni through the heart killing him but also meaning Longshank falls to his death!
Now forward to modern times where we meet the local vampire crowd made up of highschool kids into the mythos of the undead.
One of the group Mel believes she can summon vampires and after an unsuccessful attempt she finds an old book and decides that she and her friends should go off to the woods to perform a ritual.
And to stop any spoilers then that is where I shall leave it.
But wait, I need to explain a few things. This film was horrible, deeply painful to watch and has NO redeeming qualities.
For a start the vampires do nothing but hiss continually apart from speaking in some awful Belgianesque accent. The kids are all late 20′s and look older, and for some reason the women keep getting their oversized jubblies out and believe me this is not a pretty sight. If an ugly rat haired woman with huge fake melons is your thing then I could be wrong.
There is no script , the entire film has been dubbed over so you get slight lip synch problems and things like car doors slamming are not even heard.
But the worst thing about this film is the music. For some unknown reason it is all dreadful Nu-Metal crap. No matter what the situation, it could be a fight Nu-Metal, a love scene with two top-heavy ladies Nu-Metal, the local two jerks trying to screw with the goths Nu-Metal. Everything had the same god awful shouty shit shitty music. And I love metal but this was hideous.
So if you want a coherent vampire film, good acting, a tasteful score and well cast stars the look elsewhere. If you want a mess of a film that is just horrible for 75 minutes then welcome to Vampegeddon.
So in conclusion. Did I like it? God no. Would I recommend it? God no. Would I watch it again? Probably !!
Atrocious but that’s why I love horror 2/10