The Spanish Chainsaw Massacre (2013) DVD Review

scm1THE SPANISH CHAINSAW MASSACRE (Spain, 2013) aka Carnívoros

Dir- Manolito Motosierra

Starring- Pedro García Oliva, Óscar Gisbert, Nereida López

51 Minutes – UK DVD Release from 88 Films – Out Now

Before taking this film onto review, I already heard a few negative reviews, well people who I spoke to who have said that the film is shit. Willing to take the negativity on board and given the opportunity to review it, I thought why not give it a try. After all I don’t mind bad films, in the way that If there bad and they end up being unintentionally funny, and that’s always going to be entertaining. Not so with this one, this is just plain awful through and through.

The so-called plot of the film revolves around a heavy metal group call The Metal Dicks (yes that’s the name of the band), who after their producer is sick of throwing money at them after 69 takes of recording one single, sends out his manager to take them on the road. Before you can say things can’t go wrong, they do, when the van breaks down and the manager and band end up in a village, where they are welcomed by the locals, and invited to their fiesta, as the villagers appreciate artists. This obviously is just a cover as one by one the band end up victim to the numerous degenerate locals and get bumped off in ways that involve as much sangria being sprayed around as possible.

Admittedly SPANISH CHAINSAW MASSACRE is a gore movie, nothing else. The characters are vulgar human beings, there just to be chopped up and have their blood sprayed on the camera. There is no deep characterisation; all the characters in the film are un-likeable. The band themselves are drugged up, sex obsessed, farting all the time, crude caricatures of a heavy metal band. They are just the meat to be butchered. Which is okay, as this is a gore movie remember? But when it’s done in a way that borders on the deeply irritating and piss poor, then you lose interest rapidly in the film.

scm2The killing scenes are done slightly amateurishly, but done as set pieces, to pan out the brief running time of the film, yet nothing really offends here, as much as its trying to do so. With scenes of one man getting his penis bitten off, the pregnant female lead singer having her stomach ripped open and her foetus taken out by a young girl, and a clown smashing the head of a man in front of a group of children. It’s like the filmmakers are trying too hard to shock and while making this where probably sniggering that this scene will shock people, yet it comes across as just plain boring. Admittedly the emphasis on shocking gore fits in with the bad taste humour and sounds of farting that pepper the soundtrack, along with shite heavy metal.

If I was 13 and watching this, I would probably enjoy it, maybe, in a juvenile sense, as this is what the film seems aimed at. Yet at the age of 13 I watched BRAINDEAD, and loved it for the OTT gore, but that film has stood the test of time and is still a classic, this film won’t. I don’t really like to trash low budget cinema, but sometimes you have to, as you see something that seems like it’s been made for a mate and his friends and has somehow picked up distribution. If you have ever seen the CAMP BLOOD films these are also prime examples of that.

Though the title alone has probably managed to get it distribution, which is again miss-leading as the use of chainsaw is only utilised in one scene. On top of that at a thankfully short 51 minutes (well 45 minutes if you count the end credits), the subtitles are also pretty bad, with some glaring errors of broken English. Whether this is the fault of 88 films (which I hope it isn’t as they are a great label and I’m wondering why there releasing this) or the copy of the film they were given remains to be seen, either way it adds to the amateurish stench that the film produces.

scm3Overall a dreadful film, and I’m only giving it one star due to the short running time, and one gag I admittedly found funny of a chef using a special kind of chocolate sauce mixture (the toilet humour of the film will probably give you a hint of what I’m talking about).

1/10

James Pemberton

About James Pemberton

James has been a horror fan ever since he was 6 when he used to watch hammer horror films on late night tv. He is currently living and working in Manchester, occasionally gets work on helping out with short films and music videos, and in his other spare time like to go to heavy metal gigs, cinema and horror film festivals and has attended Frightfest in London 3 years in a row, as well as Frightfest Glasgow, and Grimm up North festival. He is planning on trying to get to either Fantasia in Montreal or Sitges in Spain, some point in his life!
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